What I've Been Thinking About Lately

Happy Thursday everyone! You made it through the hump ;) 

This post won't include many photos, just random ramblings of myself. I hope that's okay with you guys! Just stay with me, okay? 

Life has been going by WAY too fast these past few months. It's summertime for me already which means I'm a senior now. Man, I remember I was a little freshman a while ago and practically going to every teacher, asking them for directions to my next class. It's sad to think my high school experience is almost coming to a halt but I'm ecstatic for the future!

I always thought my future was going to be successful, that I was going to be some kind of doctor. Most Asian parents want their kids to be in the medical field (figures!) so I believed that it was my fate. Then the eating disorder took control. 

How I let myself get that far into it, I have no idea. Suddenly, my dreams, my friends and the familiar light that once filled my life were slowly fading away. I isolated myself so that it was only me and my ED. I felt that this was the best choice - all so I could have a flat stomach and the all so popular thigh gap. 

But long behold, I found love. Love from my God, the person who was always there, from the very beginning. The person who I ignored the past 2 years, thinking that there was no hope for me. The pain and anger that I bottled up inside was released from my body and my mind! I was free :) 

Now, all I see is hope and light. The belief that I can do anything! My body is at peace and is where it should be. I'm not perfect by any means and I still have those days where ED comes back to bite my butt. But the most important thing that has changed is my willingness to fight back. 

I learned that I find so much joy in helping people with their health goals and their nutrition. All I hope to do is to change even just one area in their life to better their body and mind. To love themselves for the accomplishes they made and find confidence! 

"I am unique and I am beautiful."

Something that I haven't been able to say for too long. Don't make the same mistake I did and not appreciate everything and everyone around you. Say this to yourself everyday, as soon as you wake up. It'll make waking up much easier! 

Be a vessel of love and spread it. Be the motivator to yourself and your friends to get moving! And most of all, remember that everything happens for a reason. There are better things for you at the end of every road. Just keep trucking, my friends <3 

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I still have much to tell you so stay tuned! ^^

Question time! 

Tell me one thing that you love about yourself! Be bold! 

Today is a Gift

Hey everyone! It's been too long and I've missed all of you. I hope everyone's week was filled with love and happiness<3

Hmm, so where have I been? 

Basically, my head has been running in circles. I'm trying to juggle between being an IB student, taking the SATs, volunteering and working out for the last week and a half. I can't seem to find a good balance with everything and it's been stressing me out! 

I'm a perfectionist. In some ways, this is very helpful because it helps me to make sure I get things right. But at the same time, it can push me to the point where I am just tired of trying to be perfect.

My thoughts as of late:

Yes, of course I want to get into an amazing college, preferably out of state! It is, by all means, possible. But, sometimes things don't happen the way we want it to. 

I'd love to get really high scores on the SAT. It's the one thing that could determine whether I get into a certain university or not. Will I get a high score the first time? Probably not. 

I should eat more vegetables today since I haven't had any greens today. Did I get to eating it? Nope. Some days, my body is going to crave carbs more than veggies. That's okay.

I should run outside since I haven't ran in a week. But honestly? I'm not feeling a run so I'll just stick to weight lifting inside. 

I want abs like that! Gah, I have to eat super clean to do that. But HECK no am I giving up grains. I love my bread too much. 

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My mind has been crazy lately, battling with expectations from my family, peers and ultimately myself in all areas of my life. It's been difficult to decide what is important and what matters to my future right now.

The future scares me. I don't know where I'll be or who I'll be with. I have no clue about where my body will take me, what my mind will tell me and how my heart will continue to lead me. I find it hard to trust in my own instincts since I've been wrong so many times in the past, mentally, spiritually, and physically. 

So today, I am going to strive to be willing and dedicated to be the best version of me. This doesn't mean that I will have the best grades or the "perfect" diet. Not all my workouts will be successful and exciting. I'm very unsure about what God has planned for me but I know one thing. 

God will never give me something I can't handle. He knows my fears, goals, my past and my future. 

Right now, all I need to do is be in the present and to enjoy every beautiful second this life has to offer. 

I can do everything through him who gives me strength.

Philippians 4:13