Learning to Trust Myself

Today was pretty hectic because after volunteering at the hospital, I worked 4 more hours at the Columbus Day Parade, a huge gathering to celebrate good ol' Christopher!

The Italian Food Festival was also going on at the same time! The air was filled with so many delicious smells. Oh yum. 

BBQ Sundae. What?!

As Key Club members, we painted kids faces, passed out stuffed animals and sold freshly baked goods to raise money for Kiwanis. There was music, food and friends! What more can you ask for? 

Being out and experiencing local festivities like this made me feel refreshed. I loved seeing the kids faces as I gave them the toys and the way that the community supports us high schoolers. Sometimes it just nice to take a breath and live it up! <3

Dinner was another repeat of homemade California rolls. 

Seriously, give me a tub of avocado. Like a poolful. 

;)

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It's no big mystery that I love food. 

I adore learning about nutrition, fitness and how feeding out bodies can help us overall, feel very happy! But lately, I've been in a funk with this little thing called trust. 

Because of my eating disorder, I had to completely lose my health to want it back. It was a struggle everyday to get where I am today but I made it and I'm never going back. Yet, there are still times when I question myself and my eating. Sometimes I wonder if I really should be eating certain things and I contemplate on how much I should eat. I always choose to listen to my body because I know it needs to be fed. I try to not compare my diet with others due to the fact that everyone's different and we have different needs. Being a blogger can definitely hinder your thoughts on the way you look, on whether you should eat less or more. The community constantly talks about going paleo, eating clean, and getting more protein in your body. I can admit that I sometimes fall into that trap of "conforming" to the healthy living community. 

I find myself asking things like "Should I be eating more than this?" or "Is this enough food?". It's frustrating that these things still linger my mind and pop up every once on a blue moon. ED is a powerful thing and it's annoying to worry about these thoughts. This morning, I read Amanda's post on food anxiety and how it affects her. I can relate because even after I eat a meal, I worry if I'm full enough. Doesn't my stomach know that already? Why is it difficult to listen to my body and trust it? 

Everyday, I remind myself to stay strong through struggles like this and to ultimately love my body for what it's experienced, where I am now, and where it's going to take me in the future. I work hard, train even harder and eat food that both make me happy physically and mentally. Trusting my body is going to be a big hill for me to climb in recovery and it will take a lot of time. 

But it doesn't mean that I'm not going to try. Those thoughts are getting quieter as I'm getting louder and one day, I know ED's voice will disappear :) 

Because I Love You

Before I get into this post, let's talk about today's workout! 

Yesterday was rest day due to the homework I had piled up for me. 

Thank you homework for ruining my life taking so much of my time. 

I jumped back into the swing of things by focusing on my arms and legs today. 

Workout

• 20 minutes of abs (Hurts so good.) 
• HIIT It Hard Workout
• Awesomesauce arms
• Sexy Legs Workout

Lastly, I beat my PR of the plank challenge!

Remember to push yourself to your best ability during your workouts :) 

The more you push yourself, the faster the results. 

I remember only being about to 2 minutes of planks. Practice makes progress! 

I scurried to the bathroom and took a 5 second shower because this girl was HANGRY. 

The awesome spread! Mama Smile delivers, my friends. 

Oxtail soup!

Spicy Kimchi!

Drool worthy, no? 

After dinner, my parents went for a drive and stopped by Publix for much needed food! 

T'was a great night<3

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Have you ever tried to implement healthy habits into your own family? Being a huge foodie and health lover, I learned that this can be a hard process. One of my biggest accomplishments is to include more whole grains into our diet since we consume a lot of white carbs such as rice. 

We now mix brown rice with white! Tiny steps people, tiny steps ;) 

Two years ago or so, my mom was taken to the hospital suddenly because she felt pain in her chest. We discovered that she had high blood pressure and her pulse was abnormal. This was one of the most scary events that ever happened to our family. Our mother was our rock, our support and I looked up to her more than anything. She ended up staying in the hospital for a month, transferring into different hospitals to find treatment to help her case. After a long period of tests, it was discovered that her potassium levels were extremely low and it was affecting her energy. To make a long story short, she was able to come home after a month and a half. 

This experience helped me understand how health not only affects one person, but the whole family as well. When I was in the darkest part of my eating disorder, I never noticed that my actions brought so much worry and pain to my family and friends. It wasn't until I met my dietitian that I realized what I was doing to the people I love. It's my turn to give back what I know I have a passion for.

Because I love my parents, I will continue to convince them to make smarter choices, whether it be to include more veggies into our dinners or taking long walks with them. 

Because I love my sister, I'll keep telling her about the new workout moves I learned and encourage her to run with me outside, no matter how annoying I can get.

Because I love my friends, I'll tell them to join me in my workouts and give them tips on how to pack healthier lunches to school. 

Because I love myself, I'll continue to nourish myself and work hard to fight my ED thoughts to become the best version of me. 

I encourage all of you to try to imply healthy life changes in your parents, your friends, your siblings and your own life. It's worth it, I promise!